Been Awhile Since I’ve been here…..

Ok so I’m back.  It’s been over a year and I feel like I need to return.  Not alot has happened this past year.   I don’t think so anyway.  Well actually alot has happened.  I lost someone very special to me.  My Aunt Suzie passed away March 8th.  As heartbroken as I am I know she is in a better place and free from pain and suffering and that helps fill the void a little bit but Easter’s will never be the same again.  This year no one came for Easter.  We were bummed but had a wonderful dinner with Auntie Jane, Raymond, Kim and Shannon.  It felt good to be with people.  As I’m writing this my emotions are getting the best of me.  1.) because I’m thinking of my Aunt Suzie, 2.) I’m struggling with some inner feelings that I’m having trouble expressing  right now, 3.)  I feel like I’m drifting away from some people that are extremely important to me.   I’m trying to focus on the positive but somehow the negative stays so close to the surface that I feel like I’m swimming upstream against the current.   It sometimes hurts my heart to be alone with my thoughts.  I am a worrier.  I am always thinking what it, what if, what it…. I can’t help but cry when I think about…events happening in the present.  I get so caught up with work, meetings, extra curricular activities, that I feel like I am alienating everyone around me. 
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and those babies are the world to me.  Life just seemed so simple in jr high and high school.  I didn’t have to worry about going to work everyday, paying bills, and adult responsibilities.  I was able to be with my friends as much as I wanted to be.   Now I have to schedule them in between meetings and dinners.  To a point, it makes me angry that I can’t be with the people I want to be with.  It’s not fair! I know life’s not fair.  If life was fair I’d still have my Aunt Suzie, Uncle Tom, Aunt Pat,  PawPaw Pankey, Grandpa and Grandma, Michael B, Morgan and others.  But it’s just not fair!!   

I didn’t expect to get this emotional, but these are thoughts that have been running through my mind for awhile now.  Maybe the next will be happy!  LOL!!


                 You ever wonder what it would be like to live in Mayberry times??  I do!  I’ve  always wondered what it would be like to actually have a neighbor walk over and borrow a cup of sugar, or an egg.  Or to sit out on your front porch swing and listen to kids playing, dogs barking, birds chirping.  Or to be outside and a neighbor pass by and you speak to each other whether you each other or not.  A simpler time,where you  would sleep with your windows open and be able to leave your doors unlocked.  I yearn to know what that’s like.  I even try to do some of that stuff.  I love having the windows and doors open during nice weather….until it gets dark.  Then my paranoia kicks into high gear and I end up sleeping with the windows shut and locked and turning on my ceiling fan.  But now-a-days, it seems like you wouldn’t be able to do any of this stuff.  You probably couldn’t go borrow anything from the neighbors now, because the economy is so crappy that they might not even be able to afford eggs until they get their Link card reloaded.  (Nothing against Link users) But it’s true.  I’m scared to death to talk to anyone that I didn’t know on the streets now, because you don’t know if they are a murderer, rapist, or your next psychopath that’s going to walk into a business or school and shoot everyone.  That scares the hell out of me!!!  And now-a-days, you don’t dare leave anything open, unlocked or not bolted down, because you’re guaranteed to get something stolen from, heck people are getting their houses invaded and broken into the daylight now!!…while they are at home!!  Makes me feel comforted let me tell ya!   Kids used to be able to run all over town at all hours of the night, leave at daybreak not come home until dark.   Now you can barely let your kids play in the front yard (unattended) without the fear of them being snatched straight from your yard.  I can’t tell you how sad that makes me.  I’ve been told that I have an “old soul.”  I can kinda see that.  I’m an only child and been very sheltered in my life, I’ll admit that.  I grew up listening to the “old” music.  Not really “old” but I grew up listening to Oak Ridge Boys, the Eagles,  and the Statler Brothers.  Just to name a few.  But I was listening to a Statler Bros. record today (yes record! I bought my parents a n entertainment thing that comes with a turntable and I LOVE it!!) anyway, I was listening to the record this morning after I got out of the shower and the name of the record is  “Maple Street Memories” and the intro to album has them talking about what it was like when they grew up you know about borrowing a cup of sugar, speaking to someone on the street whether you knew them or not, playing hide-n-seek, turning the porch light on and off when it was time to come in, and so on and so forth, and it seriously made me sad.  I was sad because there is no chance a time like that will ever happen again. 

                 It honestly breaks my heart to think about it even right now as I’m sitting at the dining room table of my house typing this.  Do you honetly think that if I went to a neighbors house and asked “Can I please borrow an egg?” that  they wouldn’t look at me like I had a monkey on my head?  ‘Cause  I do!!!  Do you think people  still bake a pie or cookies and take them to a new neighbors house?  I’m sure you couldn’t now because you would be too worried that it was laced with something, or you’d get arrested for for harrassment or something ignorant like that! If I could go in time I would go back to that time, where people didn’t have a care in the world.  You made due with what you had!   Maybe it’s a curse because I’m an only child that I sit and ponder stuff like this or a blessing but I like to think of a place where there’s no murder, no hurt, no pain, where children can play all day long without worry of being hurt, abused, neglected, or kidnapped.  People talk about places like this….some call it Heaven….I call it home!!

Snow Day Tuesday

So, woohoo we actually got a snow day!!!  I’m excited, even though there technically isn’t any snow on the ground, it’s mostly ice.  But I did venture out into the elements earlier this morning to take some pictures of Winter Storm ’09.  I guess that’s what it’s being called.  O well.  All I know is I had some cappucino with my breakfast this morning and it was so nice.  I’ve just relaxing and taking the day to sit back and enjoy the quietness of the outside.  Yesterday was kind of hectic and a little stressful at work, so this snow day was deserved a little bit, plus if you work in a school you know just how much a snow day (even if it’s just one) is needed from time to time.  Even though alot of people don’t like ice because of this reason or that, I happen to like the ice.  I think roads, trees etc are just beautiful covered in a layer of ice.  There is just something about it glistens.   I’m going to enjoy the rest of my day.

Hip Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation!!!!

Well no “vaycay” yet, but it’s getting close.  We have now entered my very favorite time of year.  This is when my traditionalist personality kicks into high gear and I go Christmas Crazy! :)   There are so many things that make this my favorite time of year.  The decorations, lights, food, parties, programs, smells, movies, tv specials, music, and yes presents.  <<<What can I say? I’m an only child.  But I get alot of joy from giving gifts as well too, I’m not that shallow.  But the main thing that warms my heart this season is being with my family.  Even though I don’t get to be with all of my extended family (who stretch from Michigan all the way down to Florida) I still get to be with some family.  It used to start on Christmas Eve with Scott, Leah and the rest of the game having as Scott, Bethany, and I refer to as a “Tray-O-Meat” which basically is a big tray with lunch meat and cheeses and stuff on it, from which we make sandwiches and have chips and stuff.  Well we still do this but we usually do it the day or so before Christmas.  Then comes Christmas Eve…. nothing really happens during the day, but that night is very special.  We usually head to either Harrisburg or Eldorado to my aunts or cousins, but before that we head to church for Communion at my church.  Taking communion that night means more to me than communion other times.  The sanctuary is empty, and no light is on except from that of the candles lit in the windows.  That peaceful ambience really brings Christmas and the holiday season all into perspective…for me anyway.  I use that time to be thankful, and grateful that I have a loving family to spend this time with, but I also think of all the ones who aren’t here with us getting to be together.  I mostly think of my Uncle Tom around this time.  He loved Christmas and he was so fun to be around, he was like a little kid.  For some reason I tend to be a little more emotional around this time of year too.  I’ll give you an example, my mom and I went to see Lauren (family friend) in a play in Marion called the Best Christmas Pageant Ever.  The play was about these rambunctious kids that were always terrorizing other people, well one of the characters mentions that he gets snacks and stuff like that at Sunday School, well needless to say those kids show up and all 6 of them volunteer for the Christmas program at church.  Well long story short when it came time for the part of the play when it was the Christmas play I cried from the first time the angel choir came in until the very end of the play itself.  Still not sure why, but I think it’s just because it touched me deeply on some level.   Any who,  it was a great play and we were so proud of Lauren.   As of today at 12:05 am, December 8th, we are officially down to 11 days until vacation.  Which reminds me, today is my moms birthday!!!  Well, I guess I should head to bed, I still have a headache I had already been asleep from 9 til like 11.    I’ll leave you with a little quote that I like so much…”And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!!!”….

Am I alone here??……

Ok, so here’s the thing.  I have been doing some thinking.  I’m 24 right now….and still single.  I can’t help but think that there is something wrong with me.  I’m a nice girl (well I try to be) :) , yet here I sit…..alone.  I know having a man isn’t the most important thing, but when you haven’t had someone in so long you start to wonder, and if you’re me, freak out about this stuff.  My future life goal is that I want to be a wife and mom.  And I guess I’m just scared to death that it’s not going to happen for me.  I guess I just live in the clouds.  I always seem to crush on the ones that I have no chance with.  Not sure why I do that.  I mean has anyone else felt like this before??  When you start feeling like this do you ever just start picking your life apart to find out why?  Like, well, maybe if I was more outgoing, or if I wasn’t so shy around new people, or if I was thinner, or this or that.  AHHH being a grown up sucks!!! I’m not complaining but I kinda am.  I love my life and I’m happy right now, but I could stand to be a little happier.  I want to know what it’s like to look in someone’s eyes and feel safe, I want to have that perfect date, and I want to have with someone who will like me for me.  I keep thinking to myself that God has someone picked out for me, and he’s going to send him to me, but I guess it’s impatience that I have ’cause I’m starting to get antsy and would like to have it now.  I just hope he doesn’t wait too long….  Well I guess that’s enough for now…..

Just some updating

Still haven’t figured this whole blogging thing out.  I don’t post very much, because I feel like I really don’t have a lot to say, other than what I’ve said before.  I don’t know how to post video or pictures, so I can’t do that.  I don’t know.  I’ve just been thinking alot about stuff lately.  Oh well, maybe I’ll eventually figure this thing out.  Ok, so my current obession right now is the Miners.  I love listening to the games and watching the webcast, but I really love to be at the games.  I’ve tickets for a few games in August.  So I’m super excited about that.   I can’t believe its almost August.  Where has the summer gone?   Not sure when I’ll update again.  I’ll try for sooner than later.  Oh well…….

Emptying out my thoughts…shouldn’t take long :)

Well it’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything.  Just thought I’d get some of the stuff out of my head.  Easter is over and so is Lent, hallelujah I can eat potatoes again.  I did crappy at my WW weigh in.  But I’m back on track.  Doing my Yoga Booty Ballet every night.  Man that thing can kick your butt, but I love it.  It’s new and challenging.  I’m ready at this point to have my sinuses removed completely from my body, as well as having my allergies taken with it.  I’m tired of coughing, sneezing, itching, and waking up with snot compacted in my nose.  Sorry for the gross-out.   So here’s the thing, I love the TV show Friends.  I have all 10 seasons on DVD.  I am working my way one episode at a time to watching all of them.  I’m in season 3 disc 4 right now.  I’m glad all the raining has ceased for the time being.  I’m going to try and post some pix on here of the flood of ’08.  I haven’t completely learned how to use this site yet, so I’m still learning.  :)  Well I guess I’ve gotten enough out of head right now.  I’ll post more later!  Peace! Picture posting not so much!

I missed my Friday Facts!

Ok so I missed my Friday Fun Facts.  I was in a very sinus-y place on Friday.  Had the headache, neckache, the whole shebang.  Needless to say I was miserable and almost completely useless at work.  It’s Saturday and I’m feeling better.   I don’t where you are if you read this blog, but here in So IL it is absolutely beautiful here today!!  I’ve been outside working in the yard, I cleaned up my car, even went for a nice drive through the country this afternoon.    Ok so here we go 5 more facts about moi!

1. I find sitting in an automatic car wash almost trance iducing.  There is something about it that just relaxes me. 

2. I love office supplies!!  Pens, pencils, staplers, label makers, markers, highlighters. 

 3.  I don’t own a video game system past the Super Nintendo. 

4.  Getting hugs makes my heart smile!

5.  I have never worked a Rubics Cube. 

Not so much “fun” facts but facts none-the-less!!  Join me again for another rousing Fact session from the Slug!!


Twisted Tuesday

Yeah, ok so Tuesday is almost over but oh well.  I am feelin’ bloggy right now.  First off, flippin’ snow.  I think it’s pretty, I’ve been snowed/iced in a couple of times, lost alot of time on my paycheck, but any way, I’m over it.  I like winter, but I’m done.  I want to get my flip flops out and wear my capris and ride with my windows down.  Not be bundled up and in shoes and socks ( which I hate) and be pale.  Transparent apparently is now  flesh tone! But that’s neither here nor there.  Also, people who know or might spend time around me, I may be a little grumpy the next week or so.  I am starting back to Weight Watchers.  I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle and attending WW is the only way it’s worked for me.  So say a extra prayer for strength and perserverence (a or e not sure) oh well.  :)  I am trying to have a postive outlook on this attempt at WW.  I’m too young to be burdened by weight problems.  I should be out enjoying life.  And that’s what I’m going to start doing!

5 Fun Facts Friday!

I see Scott and Willie posting these “Fun Friday” things so I thought what the heck I’ll do it too.  So here are 5  fun facts you might not know about yours truly.

1.  I am addicted to turkey bacon

2.  I secretly love to wash towels.

3. My family is the most important thing in my life.  (You know who you are) ;)

4. I love the smell of Sharpie markers while I’m writing with them. (NOT sniffing!) You can’t help but inhale when you write. 

5. I watch NASCAR and WWE professional wrestling, and enjoy every minute of it.  :)

So there you have it.  5 things not known to some about me.  I’ll return next week with another installment.  Until then………..

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