Ok so I’m back. It’s been over a year and I feel like I need to return. Not alot has happened this past year. I don’t think so anyway. Well actually alot has happened. I lost someone very special to me. My Aunt Suzie passed away March 8th. As heartbroken as I am I know she is in a better place and free from pain and suffering and that helps fill the void a little bit but Easter’s will never be the same again. This year no one came for Easter. We were bummed but had a wonderful dinner with Auntie Jane, Raymond, Kim and Shannon. It felt good to be with people. As I’m writing this my emotions are getting the best of me. 1.) because I’m thinking of my Aunt Suzie, 2.) I’m struggling with some inner feelings that I’m having trouble expressing right now, 3.) I feel like I’m drifting away from some people that are extremely important to me. I’m trying to focus on the positive but somehow the negative stays so close to the surface that I feel like I’m swimming upstream against the current. It sometimes hurts my heart to be alone with my thoughts. I am a worrier. I am always thinking what it, what if, what it…. I can’t help but cry when I think about…events happening in the present. I get so caught up with work, meetings, extra curricular activities, that I feel like I am alienating everyone around me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and those babies are the world to me. Life just seemed so simple in jr high and high school. I didn’t have to worry about going to work everyday, paying bills, and adult responsibilities. I was able to be with my friends as much as I wanted to be. Now I have to schedule them in between meetings and dinners. To a point, it makes me angry that I can’t be with the people I want to be with. It’s not fair! I know life’s not fair. If life was fair I’d still have my Aunt Suzie, Uncle Tom, Aunt Pat, PawPaw Pankey, Grandpa and Grandma, Michael B, Morgan and others. But it’s just not fair!!
I didn’t expect to get this emotional, but these are thoughts that have been running through my mind for awhile now. Maybe the next will be happy! LOL!!